My 4 year old doesn't want "fat legs"...
Have you ever felt like a failure as a mom? Because I totally have. I hope this helps you feel like a "human mama" and not a "bad mama" if you can relate to any of this.
The other day my beautiful & perfect in every way daughter, Aria, said the most horrifying words...
After telling her she could only have a couple pieces of candy for movie night, she said, “yeah, I don’t want to eat too much candy, because then I will get fat legs, right mama?”. My heart sank. 😥 All of my fears and insecurities were somehow projected to her. Even though I’ve done my best to raise her strong, knowing her worth and beauty comes from within. She saw my weaknesses. My pain. My shame. The exact feelings I never want her to have.
I quickly said, “No, we don’t want to eat too much candy because it’s not healthy for us”. But in my heart, I was agreeing with her.
I don’t want my daughters to go through the same things I’ve gone through. Not feeling worthy or loved because my size was bigger than most or bigger than I was before. I don’t want her to experience the frustration of eating perfectly and working out and still not being able to lose the weight. I don't know what is wrong with my body to make the weight stay. I know what to do and it’s not working. I’ve tried everything that has worked before and nothing changes. But I didn’t realize I was showing my defeated emotions. I thought I was hiding it well because I feel good about myself. I’m stronger mentally and know my worth isn’t aligned with a number...most days. I’m sorry to say my sweet daughter picked up on it. That society has already groomed her to not want to eat her favorite thing in the world in fear of getting big legs. I’m sorry that we live in a world that value is not placed on a women’s accomplishments, but instead placed on the size of her body.
And I’m sorry I have fed into the lies and let my daughters think that my value, their value or other women’s value has anything to do with the size of their legs. I’m not where I want to be size wise, and that’s okay. I’m still going to eat right, workout and use amazing products to help. But I’m not going to let it control my value or my worth. I’m not going to live in fear or feel shame. I hope you choose to live in a world that values you and not your size.
Raising girls is hard. It makes me check my intentions and thoughts daily. How am I mentally? Do I need to relax and give myself grace? Or stay focused and push hard? The things we say to ourselves are most times things we would never say to our sister, friend or children. So, why do we think it's okay to say those things to ourselves? I need to check my thoughts all day long. When was the last time you took inventory of what you're saying to yourself? Because, I promise you, even if you think you're hiding those thoughts well...little ears & eyes will pick up on it. I want my girls to be strong, courageous and never think their value is determined by their size. This is something I will always have to be diligent with. And I will gladly do the work on myself to ensure my girls know their mama is proud of herself and them always.
Don't be afraid to look within. Yes, it can be scary, but the benefits are priceless. What do you want your kids to remember? Your strengths or your weaknesses? I'm working on building myself and my girls up, daily. I hope you have been encouraged reading this. I'm not perfect and have so much work to do. But I will keep showing up! I hope you do too.